“I want to try Mama!”
I look into the mess of bouncing, banging, falling children running at top speed into walls and each other.
Bouncy castle. Stuff of my nightmares.
At least one kid is screaming, two are wrestling, and one big sister is squishing her little brother with a giant blown up pillars that look a lot like intestinal villi.
That’s how I imagine this thing to be: a giant digestive system. I’ll insert my child in one end and receive her out the other, smashed, crying and changed by the destructive forces of child-powered “fun”.
“Mo bug, I think you’re still a little too little,” I say, taking her hand and leading her away.
“Mama! I not too little. I want to try!” she says, pulling her hand out of mine. I look down, a little surprised. She’s not angry. She’s earnest, her big blues eyes filled with confidence and anticipation.
I look to Andy, who subtly shakes his head, no.
I look down at Mo.
And then I’m sucked down a wormhole.
In a gut-wrenching moment, I am transported to times in the future when Mo will look at me and say “I want to try Mama!”. Moments where Protective Mama will immediately say no, trying to shield my Forever Baby from hurt, embarrassment and harm. The Big Slide, No Training Wheels, Tough Classes, Varsity Tryouts, The School Play, Driving, Dating, Growing Up…
I catch my breath, blink and am present once more.
I take Monica’s hand again, “OK, Mo. You can try.”
She removes her shoes and socks with delight, hands the carnival worker her $3, and jumps right in.
Did she fall down? Yep. Did she get plowed over by big kids? Absolutely. Did I watch every single moment, breath held, fists clenched? You bet your reading eyes I did.
Did she have a fantastic time?
That would be an understatement.
T.O.T.E. 
Dear Cait and Mo, what a wonderful fun time she had!! You are a brave mommy indeed, to let her do it. That is a Great story! We love it. Grandpa and I can hardly wait to see you all, next month for the wedding. Lots of love and kisses to all, Gm. Frances and Gp. Bob
Date: Sun, 14 Apr 2013 14:16:49 +0000 To: franceshohman@hotmail.com
“Did she get plowed over by kids? Absolutely.” That made me laugh out loud…
I can laugh about it now… Turns out, she’s one tough cookie, and it’s her Mama that’s a pushover 🙂
Loved that! And what you said, “In a gut-wrenching moment, I am transported to times in the future that Mo will look at me and say “I want to try Mama!”. Moments where Protective Mama will immediately say no, trying to shield my Forever Baby from hurt, embarrassment and harm.
Erase the Mo will look at me and say and replace it with, “Mom, I’m going to….” and the rest of the sentence reads the same. Protective Mama doesn’t die – she just has to create a muzzle, bite the inside of her mouth, put on duct tape, wear it all and replace the words “OK, Mo. You can try.” with “I look forward to hearing whatever you want to share! Have fun! I love you!”
And start praying and reminding yourself that God loves her even more than I do. I don’t understand how that could be, but it’s only b/c He’s God and can love more than humans. Otherwise… there is no one who could love her more. As much. Differently. But never more.
Such good, true advice, Margaret. I know my heart prays in those moments, even if my brain doesn’t remember to 🙂
you need to blow up and frame that last one. it’s amazing 🙂