Warning: Graphic content below. Of the severed-mouse-head variety. Don’t worry, no gross pictures…

Only adorable ones.

…

An actual conversation with the Husband today:

Ring Ring

Andy: “Hey Love, what’s up?”

Me: “OH MY GOSH! Wait, wait let me get to the garage…”

Andy: “Are you ok? Get in the garage? What’s wrong?” Andy was in a fender bender this morning (EDIT: not his fault, and everyone’s ok), so our conversations were already set on crisis mode.

Me: “I just found a MOUSE HEAD on the mat in front of the kitchen sink!!” Ear-piercing squeal and heebie jeebie dance

Andy: Chuckle “Ok…Well I can’t really come home right now…”

Me: Indignantly “I picked it up! I put the girls in their chairs and distracted them with food then threw it away while they weren’t looking…”

Andy: Quiet Chuckle

Me: “You obviously don’t understand how gross this is!” Still suffering from heebie jeebie aftershocks. “You know what makes it worse?”

Andy: “What, Honey?”

Me: “I stepped on it AN HOUR AGO and thought, Hmm…I wonder what the girls left on the floor this time, and then DIDN’T EVEN LOOK DOWN! What is WRONG with me?!!”

Andy: Straight up laughing

Me: “I had to lysol my feet!”

Andy: “You mean wash them?”

Me: “No. I washed them in bleach! And I had to do both of them, cause I can’t even remember which foot stepped on it!!! AHHHHHHH!”

Andy: More laughter

Me: “Oh my God. The floors! The Girls!” (Don’t worry, Christian readers, I was literally asking for the protection of our Dear Savior to be placed upon my daughters at that moment…read on)

Andy: “The floors? The girls? What about them?”

Me: “Oh, the girls! I promise to NEVER EVER pick up their sippy cups from the ground and just hand them back again!” facepalm  “I’m an awesome parent…AHHHHHH! I have to clean the kitchen floor! No! All. The. Floors! Who knows where the cats took it! ” More twitches

Andy: “Well, I’m glad you took care of it. However, where there’s one mouse, there’s always another. Should I pick up some traps?”

Me: “No…For once the cats aren’t fighting. I think they took out all their agression on poor decapitated Mickey. Let’s see if they can take care of the others and buy us some more catfight-less days.”

Andy: “Good thing Mo didn’t find it.”

Me: “Oh my gosh, yes. I’m not sure I’m ready for any “Circle of Life” talks yet… Remember how I nearly punched Eric when he started defining the word sushi with ‘Well, you know Nemo?'”

Andy: “Ok. I’m going to get back to work now.”

Me: “I’m going to go bleach my feet again, and the floors, and the walls, and change all the sheets…”

Andy: More chuckling

….

I grew up around cats. This shouldn’t bother me so much. However, I can attest to the fact that I am still doing a heebie jeebie dance (and it’s way worse than the Praying Mantis induced shakes from last summer).

On the bright side, the cats are finally earning their keep… Andy might even kind of like them a little. They caught a mouse and made his wife sound like a crazy person.

This crazy person is now, truly, going to go bleach some floors… Hey! If I do it barefoot, I can clean my feet again. Excellent.